Snickers M
I am at a loss with what to do with my son. He just turned 16 and for the past year has been more then I can handle. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7 and Bipolar when he was 11. He does take a medication regimen, sees a therapist and a pediatric neurologist and also a psychiatrist He has seen the 3 since he was 7. So they all know his history and medications and dosages over the span of the 9 years since his first diagnosis.
He has become somewhat violent. When he gets angry he will punch the wall, scream and what not, but never to a person or animal.
He will blatenly disregard anything I say or ask him to do. He has become very defiant.
He has been extremely disrespectful in how he speaks to others and to me.
He doesnt care about anyone else, other then himself.
He has always been a handful because of his diagnosis, but this is becoming more then I can handle.
I have discussed this with all of his doctors, they have adjusted medications and such, but nothing seems to work (we have always done behavioral management techniques and such). I am pulling my hair out. I dont want to give up on my son and I want to do what is best for him, but he is outta control and I feel like he is spiraling and it is getting worse. His doctors whom I have trusted for 9 years dont seem to have a good answer for this.
Where do I go from here?
Answer
As a teacher of this age kid specifically for more than 20 years, I will tell you something.
There is a moment in most all boys (70%?) that happens between 13-17. They decide to rebel from the standards that their parents have set for them and just plain turn bad. It is the absolute moment of truth in their lives. The parents of these kids fit into two categories: They either rise up to the occasion or they give up and wash their hands. I am not going to discuss the path for the kids whose parents give up. It is often jail, drug addition, or death (I could give you many examples). Understand that it IS just as drastic as I'm saying when the kid feels this "on the cusp of adulthood" growing pangs.
Those parents that rise to the occasion have generally reacted in several ways. Each kid is different and what would jerk one kid back into place and get them on the right path, would the the straw that broke the camel's back for another kid and made the child run away and start stealing or doing hard drugs etc. I'll offer some solutions that I have seen done. Your situation is much more delicate than the majority. You might need a terribly subtle and gentle touch rather than a heavy hand, but I really can't say.
Potential solutions:
-----My cousin I can talk about. Bad new friends. Probably wouldn't graduate from high school. Clearly at least doing pot and drinking. Failing everything in school. Parents gave him choices. He was a part of the solution of where he transferred to school. They sent him to a military academy. This is a hard core choice and a very very expensive one. Result for my cousin? He is now teaching at a university. Made it through and has several advanced degrees. He's an art teacher by the way. Just because you are hyper-creative and an artist doesn't mean you can't be gainfully employed.
-----Tolerance and a steady course for the ship. Home is the stable harbor that your ship can use to weather the storm as your own angst rages around you. This one worked on me. Became enraged at about age 16 over what could only be described as "no damn good reason". I am also borderline ADD. My father was a great example in my time of need. He spoke very frank with me about not letting trashy women try and seduce me so they could get a better life when I knocked them up. He provided some very awesome father-son trips like snow skiing or camping that made me really respect him. He was quite kind toward the downtrodden and I often was expected to lend a hand in his charity work. He also made me work on any house projects that had to be done. Now, if that makes you feel inadequate, then you see what an extraordinary dad I had. I can't hope to be half of what he was and you probably can't either, but you CAN give your kid a weekend away to just chill out in front of a campfire. I think it is even legal for a dad to give his son a beer at home when under his supervision at 16. You would have to look that up, but bonding with him over a common mutual interest can go a long way.
--Think of it this way if you think this "external" anger pushing inward is what is going on (like it was for me at 16). You two are grilling hotdogs over the fire near a lake you fished at earlier. You have handed your son a beer and he isn't going to be driving anywhere so he's safe. Your only issues have been dealing with bugs or setting up the tent.
"Son, I know that you and I have been going through some hard times of late. I'm sorry about what is contributing to this anger in your life and I"m sorry about my own anger toward you and how that might make things worse. I just want to say that I love you and I will always be here for you. I will never give up on you and I will always try to be a good dad."
Hell, you may even have to write something down and just read it to him.
----Other solutions are on the whole spectrum between. At 16 if he can drive you ultimately control when and where he can go. You may have to call the cops to have him arrested for being a runaway. ---BUT that could have the opposite effect on another kid and turn them into a hardened criminal.
---Another route that can work genuine miracles is involvement in school. I have seen total losers become athletes and get onto a team and turn it around. It can be a club or karate outside of school or any countless activities and it CAN transform a kid. It has happened many times w/ my students and once they joined a team, grades went up and problems went down.
----Talking to teachers at a conference that does not include your child in the room might help. They may be able to offer ideas about what has worked for them.
It says my reply is way too long. You can email me for the missing third of this through yahoo.
As a teacher of this age kid specifically for more than 20 years, I will tell you something.
There is a moment in most all boys (70%?) that happens between 13-17. They decide to rebel from the standards that their parents have set for them and just plain turn bad. It is the absolute moment of truth in their lives. The parents of these kids fit into two categories: They either rise up to the occasion or they give up and wash their hands. I am not going to discuss the path for the kids whose parents give up. It is often jail, drug addition, or death (I could give you many examples). Understand that it IS just as drastic as I'm saying when the kid feels this "on the cusp of adulthood" growing pangs.
Those parents that rise to the occasion have generally reacted in several ways. Each kid is different and what would jerk one kid back into place and get them on the right path, would the the straw that broke the camel's back for another kid and made the child run away and start stealing or doing hard drugs etc. I'll offer some solutions that I have seen done. Your situation is much more delicate than the majority. You might need a terribly subtle and gentle touch rather than a heavy hand, but I really can't say.
Potential solutions:
-----My cousin I can talk about. Bad new friends. Probably wouldn't graduate from high school. Clearly at least doing pot and drinking. Failing everything in school. Parents gave him choices. He was a part of the solution of where he transferred to school. They sent him to a military academy. This is a hard core choice and a very very expensive one. Result for my cousin? He is now teaching at a university. Made it through and has several advanced degrees. He's an art teacher by the way. Just because you are hyper-creative and an artist doesn't mean you can't be gainfully employed.
-----Tolerance and a steady course for the ship. Home is the stable harbor that your ship can use to weather the storm as your own angst rages around you. This one worked on me. Became enraged at about age 16 over what could only be described as "no damn good reason". I am also borderline ADD. My father was a great example in my time of need. He spoke very frank with me about not letting trashy women try and seduce me so they could get a better life when I knocked them up. He provided some very awesome father-son trips like snow skiing or camping that made me really respect him. He was quite kind toward the downtrodden and I often was expected to lend a hand in his charity work. He also made me work on any house projects that had to be done. Now, if that makes you feel inadequate, then you see what an extraordinary dad I had. I can't hope to be half of what he was and you probably can't either, but you CAN give your kid a weekend away to just chill out in front of a campfire. I think it is even legal for a dad to give his son a beer at home when under his supervision at 16. You would have to look that up, but bonding with him over a common mutual interest can go a long way.
--Think of it this way if you think this "external" anger pushing inward is what is going on (like it was for me at 16). You two are grilling hotdogs over the fire near a lake you fished at earlier. You have handed your son a beer and he isn't going to be driving anywhere so he's safe. Your only issues have been dealing with bugs or setting up the tent.
"Son, I know that you and I have been going through some hard times of late. I'm sorry about what is contributing to this anger in your life and I"m sorry about my own anger toward you and how that might make things worse. I just want to say that I love you and I will always be here for you. I will never give up on you and I will always try to be a good dad."
Hell, you may even have to write something down and just read it to him.
----Other solutions are on the whole spectrum between. At 16 if he can drive you ultimately control when and where he can go. You may have to call the cops to have him arrested for being a runaway. ---BUT that could have the opposite effect on another kid and turn them into a hardened criminal.
---Another route that can work genuine miracles is involvement in school. I have seen total losers become athletes and get onto a team and turn it around. It can be a club or karate outside of school or any countless activities and it CAN transform a kid. It has happened many times w/ my students and once they joined a team, grades went up and problems went down.
----Talking to teachers at a conference that does not include your child in the room might help. They may be able to offer ideas about what has worked for them.
It says my reply is way too long. You can email me for the missing third of this through yahoo.
Warped Tour 2008 merchandise? Help pleaseee? :)
Alexaaa.
Soooo, I am incredibly siked for Warped Tour '08. Last years seemed better, but who's complaining? :D August 17 at the Home Depot Center, babyy. <333
But ANYWAY, I have a question-- err, make that a couple of questions, about the merch there. Help, por favor? Greatly appreciated, as always. :)))
1) Weird/dumb question, but they only sell stuff from the bands there on that date right?
2) How long do you think the average wait in the lines is?
3) Any tips to avoid a not-so-long wait? :) Like, is there any times where there might not be so many people?
4) How much money is good estimate to bring?
5) For how long are the band members gonna be in their tents?
6) I've heard about it somewhere, but I'm not sure: Are they really selling backpacks of some sort for like 5 to 10 bucks?
7) Uhh, so this is my first time going to Warped, so any descriptions on what it looks like? (As far as tents, attractions, etc.?)
8) Just for kicks. ^-^ If your going, who are you most excited to see?
Thanks for everything guys, all answers are lovedd. :)
-Alexaa.
Answer
Sweeet, I'll be going for the second time two days before you on the 15th!
1) That is actually not a dumb question. I saw some Cute Is What We Aim For shirts and they're not even on this year warped. So the answer is no, they don't only sell stuff from the bands there on the date. Just look around the tents, my friend bought an Every Avenue hoodie and they weren't playing the San Francisco date.
2) I donated to PunkJunk (check the warped tour site for more details) and got a cut pass. But even with the pass, there was still a line. I suggest going early. My show started at 11, I went at 9 and there was already a mile long of people.
3) Again, go early to beat the crowd in.
4) I actually brought like $150. Haha and ended up spending about $70. I suggest bring more money than you think you'll need because there's nothing worse than seeing this awesome shirt you want but not having enough money! When you see all those merch tents lined up, you'll want to buy everything! Plus if you don't spend it, you can always just bring it home. =)
5) Band members hang at their tents when they want to at random times. Sometimes they have signings so check their tents in the beginning of the day to see if they have any & what the times are. But if not, just keep checking the tent every so often and they might be there! Band members are also just walking around chilling so you might be lucky and spot a few =)
6) Backpacks, I saw backpacks there but I'm not sure if it was $5-10.
7) There are like two main stages and several smaller stages. There will be this giant inflatable schedule so bring a pen & paper to write the times the bands you want to see are playing. There are tents everywhere! Wear sunblock & take the extra five minutes every few hours to reapply (especially if you're going to be there the whole day). You don't want a nasty sunburn later. The atmosphere and people are so chill, it's awesome. Everyone's just there to have a good time.
8) Haha it'll be my second time going this summer. I went to the SF show and saw Forever the Sickest Kids, We the Kings, the Academy Is..., Angels and Airwaves, Cobra Starship, and a few other bands. For the upcoming one I'm going to, I'm waaaaaay stoked to see Forever the Sickest Kids again (I love them!) and All Time Low. =)
Hope this all helped!
Sweeet, I'll be going for the second time two days before you on the 15th!
1) That is actually not a dumb question. I saw some Cute Is What We Aim For shirts and they're not even on this year warped. So the answer is no, they don't only sell stuff from the bands there on the date. Just look around the tents, my friend bought an Every Avenue hoodie and they weren't playing the San Francisco date.
2) I donated to PunkJunk (check the warped tour site for more details) and got a cut pass. But even with the pass, there was still a line. I suggest going early. My show started at 11, I went at 9 and there was already a mile long of people.
3) Again, go early to beat the crowd in.
4) I actually brought like $150. Haha and ended up spending about $70. I suggest bring more money than you think you'll need because there's nothing worse than seeing this awesome shirt you want but not having enough money! When you see all those merch tents lined up, you'll want to buy everything! Plus if you don't spend it, you can always just bring it home. =)
5) Band members hang at their tents when they want to at random times. Sometimes they have signings so check their tents in the beginning of the day to see if they have any & what the times are. But if not, just keep checking the tent every so often and they might be there! Band members are also just walking around chilling so you might be lucky and spot a few =)
6) Backpacks, I saw backpacks there but I'm not sure if it was $5-10.
7) There are like two main stages and several smaller stages. There will be this giant inflatable schedule so bring a pen & paper to write the times the bands you want to see are playing. There are tents everywhere! Wear sunblock & take the extra five minutes every few hours to reapply (especially if you're going to be there the whole day). You don't want a nasty sunburn later. The atmosphere and people are so chill, it's awesome. Everyone's just there to have a good time.
8) Haha it'll be my second time going this summer. I went to the SF show and saw Forever the Sickest Kids, We the Kings, the Academy Is..., Angels and Airwaves, Cobra Starship, and a few other bands. For the upcoming one I'm going to, I'm waaaaaay stoked to see Forever the Sickest Kids again (I love them!) and All Time Low. =)
Hope this all helped!
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