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Good Jokes in this BLOG....
lets start it now
Answer
Hi, I love a good joke, so am looking forward to seeing a few here!
It really is true, laughter is the best medicine especially when shared by people that wish to lighten the burden of daily life.
Here is my contribution:
One Liners:
Eschew Obfuscation.
Husband to nagging wife: "Well, if I'm thick skinned and beauty is skin deep. I must be pretty damned attractive."
Life is a hereditary disease.
My son has a new nickname for me, it's 'baldy', I've got a new word for him 'heredity'.
Clara says 'Whenever I'm down in the dumps I get a new hat!', Sarah says 'Oh, so thats where you get them!'
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Other:
Three budgies in a cage:
There is one on the top perch, one on the middle perch and one on the bottom perch, which budgie own the cage?
The one on the bottom perch, the other two are on higher perches.
A man walks into a doctors surgery and says "Doctor, my legs keep talking to me."
The Dr. says "Don't be daft, let me have a listen."
He puts his ear to the mans thigh and it whispers "Lend us a tenner!"
Amazed he moves down to the knee and it whispers "Give us a fiver!"
Astounded, he moves to the calf which says "Give us a quid!".
Perplexed, the doctor refers to his medical journal and finally says "I can see the problem - Your leg is broke in three places."
How to estimate how long a project will take:
Estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit.
E.G. A one hour task will take two days to complete.
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who dont!
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING!
(Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)
- Sign on the door of a repair shop.
Post office clerk to an old lady posting a parcel containing a bible
"Anything breakable in it, ma'am?"
"Only the ten commandments!"
Nervous passenger to an air hostess:
"How often do aircraft of this type crash?"
Air hostess: "Only once."
My dad is stupid:
He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.
A man with a newt on his shoulder walked into a pub.
"What do you call him?" asked the barman.
"Tiny." said the man.
"Why do you call him Tiny"
"Because he's my newt!"
Sign on a school noticeboard:
"Guitar for sale - Cheap - No strings attached."
Paul was in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down!"
"And if you were a lady, " replied Paul "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will never die!
Newspaper Headlines:
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE.
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP.
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see!"
Watson replied "I see millions and millions of stars"
Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied "If there are millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there and if ther are some planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said "Watson, You Idiot! it means that somebody stole our tent!"
Good Luck.
Hi, I love a good joke, so am looking forward to seeing a few here!
It really is true, laughter is the best medicine especially when shared by people that wish to lighten the burden of daily life.
Here is my contribution:
One Liners:
Eschew Obfuscation.
Husband to nagging wife: "Well, if I'm thick skinned and beauty is skin deep. I must be pretty damned attractive."
Life is a hereditary disease.
My son has a new nickname for me, it's 'baldy', I've got a new word for him 'heredity'.
Clara says 'Whenever I'm down in the dumps I get a new hat!', Sarah says 'Oh, so thats where you get them!'
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
Other:
Three budgies in a cage:
There is one on the top perch, one on the middle perch and one on the bottom perch, which budgie own the cage?
The one on the bottom perch, the other two are on higher perches.
A man walks into a doctors surgery and says "Doctor, my legs keep talking to me."
The Dr. says "Don't be daft, let me have a listen."
He puts his ear to the mans thigh and it whispers "Lend us a tenner!"
Amazed he moves down to the knee and it whispers "Give us a fiver!"
Astounded, he moves to the calf which says "Give us a quid!".
Perplexed, the doctor refers to his medical journal and finally says "I can see the problem - Your leg is broke in three places."
How to estimate how long a project will take:
Estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit.
E.G. A one hour task will take two days to complete.
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who dont!
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING!
(Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)
- Sign on the door of a repair shop.
Post office clerk to an old lady posting a parcel containing a bible
"Anything breakable in it, ma'am?"
"Only the ten commandments!"
Nervous passenger to an air hostess:
"How often do aircraft of this type crash?"
Air hostess: "Only once."
My dad is stupid:
He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.
A man with a newt on his shoulder walked into a pub.
"What do you call him?" asked the barman.
"Tiny." said the man.
"Why do you call him Tiny"
"Because he's my newt!"
Sign on a school noticeboard:
"Guitar for sale - Cheap - No strings attached."
Paul was in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down!"
"And if you were a lady, " replied Paul "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will never die!
Newspaper Headlines:
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE.
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP.
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see!"
Watson replied "I see millions and millions of stars"
Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied "If there are millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there and if ther are some planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said "Watson, You Idiot! it means that somebody stole our tent!"
Good Luck.
New Telescope for new Astronomer?
Goose
I live in the Uk, what telescope could I buy to look at planets or other objects with are contained in our vast universe. Iam a new follower to astronomy and would like jump on the band wagon and purchase a telescope, bearing in mind i live in the Uk can you please give me 'reliable' website or point out which telescope is best for me to purchase i do not want a really complex one but i do not want a really simple one that will show me nothing... All help will be greatly appreciated
Answer
Hi.
If you look at Warehouse Express you'll find what there is for the money. It's reliable, one of the cheapest outlets in UK, and very good with deliveries. No long waiting.
Just click on the boxes and you'll find what the different types are. Saves dozens of lines of explanation.
I use them...have done for years. No problems at all.
http://www.warehouseexpress.com/category/categorynav.aspx?cat02=2006 . . .
You can expect to pay £120+ for a tube and optics good enough to actually be worth getting, plus another £100+ for a mount.
Top range is over a year's pay. At that level the actual figure isn't important.
At £200-£600 is the main line stuff that most people land up with. Nice to get an £8000 big Meade or Astro-Physics refractor with computer controlled bells and whistles but there's a house to run first.
I make telescopes. Thousands do. Mirrors and all. Cheaper.
The best value for money are Dobsonians but the mounting is simple and doesn't allow large magnifications for planets. Too awkward with the fast image movement at high powers.They are best for wide field low power views.
An equatorial mount isn't hard to use. Some people get flustered at the appearance of them compared to a simple Dobsonian but an equatorial is very versatile and actually easier to use over a wider range of magnifications.
You'll see Eq1, Eq2 etc mounts on the scopes advertised. Those two are small and for small scopes. They are also pretty useless.
An Eq3 is the smallest that's any good really, and an Eq5 is OK. The Celestron standard equatorial for their eight-inch Schmitt-Cassegrains used to be an Eq4 with their own name on it. They call it a CG-5.
http://www.astronomyboy.com/cg5/ . . . . .
http://www.celestron.com/c3/product.php?ProdID=91 . . . .
They are all made by Synta in China, as most refracting and a lot of Schmitt-Cassegrains and Maksutov telescopes are.
Meade makes their own in the better ranges, in USA.
Top stuff, and they took on Celestron who started the big revolution in quality telescopes for the mass market and Meade never looked back. Celestron were struggling a few years ago , got taken over by a cheapie firm...Tasco.(Oh the shame of it) , had a management buyout, all sorts of trouble. Back to better times now.
A great British company making superb telescopes in the Midlands at lovely old Crewe of railway junction fame (biggest rail junction in UK) is Orion Optics.
It isn't the same firm as Orion in USA that you'll see advertising in Sky and Telescope.
Orion Optics scopes are pricey, but ..................Wooooow!!!
http://www.orionoptics.co.uk/ . . .
Down south in London is the Widescreen Centre. Doesn't sound like a likely candidate but it's one of the most respected telescope suppliers in UK and you can call in for a chat, no obligation, nice time,very friendly.
They started in the proffessional photography scene, supplying products for sale or hire for studios and big exhibitions.
Top rated company, very very good.
They're in a side road (big side road) a few minutes walk from the Madam Tussaud's waxworks in Baker Street. If you're down the smoke anytime it's well worth calling in for a chat and a look at the goodies. If you haven't heard the expression before 'the smoke' is a northern expression for London.
http://www.widescreen-centre.co.uk/ . . . .
To see telescopes in use and get an idea of what would suit you best you need a star party or an astro club outdoor meet.
Galloway has just opened UK's first Dark Sky Park. Keep a look out for events and go along. Astronomers are a friendly bunch. Getting a look through people's scopes is what folks are there for. Don't be shy. Use the time. Get some friends, contacts, useful info and addresses, enjoy the night. Tent and sleeping bag, portable camping stove and food (used away from the telescope area) and a warm companion if desired (not usually supplied, most people take their own,haha) for the remains of the night and the inevitable lie in through most of the morning, makes a real good time of it.
All night if the clouds ruin things. Still a great place to be though.
Star parties are held all over the world. Not many in Inner Mongolia, but they're not unknown.
http://www.forestry.gov.uk/darkskygalloway . . . .
http://www.forestry.gov.uk/newsrele.nsf/AllByUNID/3CFD750C977A5FDD8025766F00392085 . . .
Here's a guy in Scotland asking about astronomy
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100114053415AAYOtZi . . . . .
You could check the local library for a list of local clubs, or do a net search. Most libraries keep info on all the organisations in their area., from the Aberdeen fish smoking and bread lovers appreciation society to the Zulu battle dancing and running club.....or whatever.
Here are a couple of telescope Qs to get the flavour of things. There are hundreds more. Just search for telescope Qs in the 'Search for Questions' box.
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091122083238AAxR6It . . . .
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100331141217AAsUvFJ . . . . . .
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100325105812AAz7nxR . . . . .
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091030052042AAdIYFr . . . . . .
Have a great time.
Dark Skies!
Hi.
If you look at Warehouse Express you'll find what there is for the money. It's reliable, one of the cheapest outlets in UK, and very good with deliveries. No long waiting.
Just click on the boxes and you'll find what the different types are. Saves dozens of lines of explanation.
I use them...have done for years. No problems at all.
http://www.warehouseexpress.com/category/categorynav.aspx?cat02=2006 . . .
You can expect to pay £120+ for a tube and optics good enough to actually be worth getting, plus another £100+ for a mount.
Top range is over a year's pay. At that level the actual figure isn't important.
At £200-£600 is the main line stuff that most people land up with. Nice to get an £8000 big Meade or Astro-Physics refractor with computer controlled bells and whistles but there's a house to run first.
I make telescopes. Thousands do. Mirrors and all. Cheaper.
The best value for money are Dobsonians but the mounting is simple and doesn't allow large magnifications for planets. Too awkward with the fast image movement at high powers.They are best for wide field low power views.
An equatorial mount isn't hard to use. Some people get flustered at the appearance of them compared to a simple Dobsonian but an equatorial is very versatile and actually easier to use over a wider range of magnifications.
You'll see Eq1, Eq2 etc mounts on the scopes advertised. Those two are small and for small scopes. They are also pretty useless.
An Eq3 is the smallest that's any good really, and an Eq5 is OK. The Celestron standard equatorial for their eight-inch Schmitt-Cassegrains used to be an Eq4 with their own name on it. They call it a CG-5.
http://www.astronomyboy.com/cg5/ . . . . .
http://www.celestron.com/c3/product.php?ProdID=91 . . . .
They are all made by Synta in China, as most refracting and a lot of Schmitt-Cassegrains and Maksutov telescopes are.
Meade makes their own in the better ranges, in USA.
Top stuff, and they took on Celestron who started the big revolution in quality telescopes for the mass market and Meade never looked back. Celestron were struggling a few years ago , got taken over by a cheapie firm...Tasco.(Oh the shame of it) , had a management buyout, all sorts of trouble. Back to better times now.
A great British company making superb telescopes in the Midlands at lovely old Crewe of railway junction fame (biggest rail junction in UK) is Orion Optics.
It isn't the same firm as Orion in USA that you'll see advertising in Sky and Telescope.
Orion Optics scopes are pricey, but ..................Wooooow!!!
http://www.orionoptics.co.uk/ . . .
Down south in London is the Widescreen Centre. Doesn't sound like a likely candidate but it's one of the most respected telescope suppliers in UK and you can call in for a chat, no obligation, nice time,very friendly.
They started in the proffessional photography scene, supplying products for sale or hire for studios and big exhibitions.
Top rated company, very very good.
They're in a side road (big side road) a few minutes walk from the Madam Tussaud's waxworks in Baker Street. If you're down the smoke anytime it's well worth calling in for a chat and a look at the goodies. If you haven't heard the expression before 'the smoke' is a northern expression for London.
http://www.widescreen-centre.co.uk/ . . . .
To see telescopes in use and get an idea of what would suit you best you need a star party or an astro club outdoor meet.
Galloway has just opened UK's first Dark Sky Park. Keep a look out for events and go along. Astronomers are a friendly bunch. Getting a look through people's scopes is what folks are there for. Don't be shy. Use the time. Get some friends, contacts, useful info and addresses, enjoy the night. Tent and sleeping bag, portable camping stove and food (used away from the telescope area) and a warm companion if desired (not usually supplied, most people take their own,haha) for the remains of the night and the inevitable lie in through most of the morning, makes a real good time of it.
All night if the clouds ruin things. Still a great place to be though.
Star parties are held all over the world. Not many in Inner Mongolia, but they're not unknown.
http://www.forestry.gov.uk/darkskygalloway . . . .
http://www.forestry.gov.uk/newsrele.nsf/AllByUNID/3CFD750C977A5FDD8025766F00392085 . . .
Here's a guy in Scotland asking about astronomy
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100114053415AAYOtZi . . . . .
You could check the local library for a list of local clubs, or do a net search. Most libraries keep info on all the organisations in their area., from the Aberdeen fish smoking and bread lovers appreciation society to the Zulu battle dancing and running club.....or whatever.
Here are a couple of telescope Qs to get the flavour of things. There are hundreds more. Just search for telescope Qs in the 'Search for Questions' box.
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091122083238AAxR6It . . . .
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100331141217AAsUvFJ . . . . . .
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100325105812AAz7nxR . . . . .
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091030052042AAdIYFr . . . . . .
Have a great time.
Dark Skies!
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